The resolutions can wait ten minutes. The year you shared deserves its own conversation. Pick three questions, one about the year behind you, one thank-you and one about the year ahead, and ask them in that order.

Start with the easiest one, the kind that makes your partner smile before answering:

Then listen. Don’t correct your partner’s version of the story, even if they have the restaurant wrong.

Every question here comes from Lolo Cards - 5,200+ conversation cards for iPhone.

Look back before you look ahead

Most New Year’s talk jumps straight to the future: the gym, the savings, the trip. Slow down for a minute. Looking at the year first gives you something to build your plans on.

Try these on New Year’s Eve, on the couch, with something warm to drink:

The last one may be harder to answer. If the answer is “a while ago,” that is useful to know, and it is better heard on a calm night than in the middle of an argument. Say “thank you for telling me” and ask what that closeness looked like.

Research on shared memories comes with caveats. A study from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, covering nearly 600 US adults in committed relationships, found that couples who often paused to appreciate shared experiences reported less conflict and higher satisfaction. The article reporting it adds that happier couples may simply find this easier, so it can’t show that the habit causes the happiness. An older study of married couples by Osgarby and Halford found that happy couples told their memories together, while distressed couples’ reminiscing seemed to bring up sadder feelings than a problem-solving task did. If a memory turns sour, drop it and move to the next question.

Illustration: a penguin and a partner penguin on a couch under a blanket, flipping through a pile of printed photos from the year
Look back first, plan second

Say the thank-yous out loud

Give thank-yous their own round. One answer each, short is fine.

Then get specific: what did your partner do this year that you noticed and never mentioned? Say it plainly. “You drove two hours to my sister’s with a cold and never complained” beats “you’re amazing.”

If you want more to choose from, the full list of questions to ask your girlfriend has fun, love, deep and romantic sets.

Pick a few things for next year

Now the future, in pieces smaller than a resolution. Treat these as invitations to each other:

Write down one answer each, on paper or in a note. Pick one thing from your partner’s list and one from yours, and put a rough month next to each. A plan with a month next to it is easier to act on than one that stays “someday.”

There is also room for what you’d leave behind. Make it gentle and about the two of you, never about your partner alone. You could say “Something I’d like us to do less of next year” and each answer with a habit, like phones at dinner or Sunday-night logistics talks. Keep it to one item each. Then ask what support your partner needs:

Illustration: two penguins on a snowy balcony at midnight, one holding a small lantern and the other a question card, fireworks in the distance
The first day of the year is a good time to ask

Make it a yearly habit

Try having this conversation every year. Keep the answers, even in a notes app, and next December read last year’s before you start. You’ll see what you forgot, and which of the things you wanted to try you actually did.

Two small rules help. Phones go face down, apart from the one holding the questions. And nobody has to answer everything: “pass” is a perfectly good answer.

If you’d rather keep it lighter for the countdown itself, our New Year’s Eve would you rather game works for a group. The questions above suit a quiet table for two, either on the 31st or on the slow morning of the 1st.

One more from the list, for the last minute before the clock turns:

Sources