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The chat has gone quiet, and “hey, what are you up to?” has run out of steam. Try a game. Pick something that takes one line to answer, keep your own turn ready, and stop after a few messages while it is still fun. A game can make replying easier, though it can’t make someone reply.
Here are four to try in a handful of messages, with questions to ask once the game is rolling.
Every question here comes from Lolo Cards - 5,200+ conversation cards for iPhone.
Why try a game instead of “so, what’s up?”
An open question can leave the other person wondering what to say. A game gives them a starting point: pick A or B, or make a guess.
In a set of studies of real conversations, including speed dating, people who asked more questions, especially follow-up questions, were better liked by their conversation partners. People also did not expect that asking would make them more likable, even though it did. A text game gives you a way to ask and follow up. If you want more questions, try the crush questions.
Four games that fit in a text thread
Would you rather gives them two options to choose from. Keep the options silly or specific, and keep the topic light.
- Would you rather only send voice messages or only reply with emojis?
Whatever they pick, ask “why?” or tell them your pick.
This or that is even faster: two options, one answer. Mimi’s rule is to send five, one at a time, with no explanations. “Coffee or tea.” “Sunrise or sunset.” “Call or text.” “Beach or mountains.” “Cook or order in.” Then stop and comment on one answer.
In guess my answer, you ask a question about yourself, they guess, then you share your answer. For a first-impressions version, try these and tell them what fits:
- What’s one thing you’d guess about me, just from first impressions?
- Which three emojis describe me best?
If you are the one guessing, send your guess even when you’re not sure. A wrong guess gives the other person something to correct.
For a question round, take turns asking and answering one question each, for three rounds. Keep the questions light enough to answer in a sentence or two.
- What could you talk about for hours?
- What’s a hobby of yours I should know more about?
- What’s the worst pickup line anyone’s ever used on you?
Make the reply easy
Keep the game easy to answer.
- Go first. Answer your own question in the same message, so they have a model for how long a reply should be. For guess my answer, wait until they’ve guessed.
- Offer a ready-made answer format. “Pick one” and “give me three words” are easier than “tell me about your childhood.”
- Keep it short. Three or four messages in each direction is a full game. If it takes off, keep going. If not, leave it there.
- Reply to what they said before you send the next question.
What to ask once they’re playing
When the game is going, you can move from silly to a little more personal. These also come from the crush collection:
- What’s something we have in common that you didn’t expect?
- What’s the most memorable first date you’ve ever been on?
- When you text, do you send one long message or ten short ones in a row?
The last one gives you a way to ask about their texting habits.
You can also play a longer round in person or on a call. In a University of Texas study, strangers who answered personal questions by talking felt significantly more connected than strangers who typed them, and hearing a voice seemed to be part of why. If the thread is going well, suggest a call. For ideas on what to say when you get there, see what to talk about on a first phone call.
When to let it rest
Not every quiet chat needs rescuing. If they answer one game and then go silent for a day, they may just be busy. Do not send three more. Send one light message later, or let it sit.
And if the game is going well, you can drop the game. Suggest a call or a coffee, or just keep chatting.
