You’ve been texting for days, and now there’s a call on the calendar. Your thumb hovers. The short answer: open with one easy, specific question, pick two or three topics you’re curious about, and end the call while it’s still going well. You don’t need a script, only a few good questions in your pocket.

Nerves on a first call mean you care. Nobody on the other end is grading you, and they’re probably just as nervous.

Every question here comes from Lolo Cards - 4,700 conversation cards for iPhone.

Why the first minute feels so loud

On text you can think for a minute before you answer. On a call there are no emoji to hide behind, and a two-second pause feels like a canyon.

Here is the encouraging part. In a University of Texas study (linked in Sources), people expected a call with an old friend to be awkward and mostly preferred email. After the call, the phone group felt a stronger bond than the email group, and the researchers reported they did not feel more awkward. That was a study of old friends, not crushes, so don’t take it as a promise. But it suggests the dread is bigger than the real thing.

A small trick for the first minute: pick your opener before you dial. Then you aren’t improvising while your heart is racing.

Openers for the nervous first minute

Skip “so, what’s up?” Ask something small that has a real answer.

Say the question, then answer it yourself if they pause. That gives them a second to think and shows you’re not interviewing them. If the silence stretches, “okay, I’ll go first” can help.

Topics that can run long

Once you’re past the first minute, you want questions that open a story instead of closing with a yes or no. Your crush questions are built like that, and a few of them work especially well when you can’t see each other’s faces.

Calls leave room for stories because nobody is watching your face while you tell one. Let them talk, then ask a follow-up before you move on. In a text-chat study on question-asking (also in Sources), follow-up questions were particularly likely to increase liking, because they require responsiveness. The same write-up warns that rude or too repetitive questions can hurt, so one good follow-up beats five rapid-fire ones.

Illustration: a penguin with a lavender scarf sitting cross-legged on a bed with a phone on speaker and a question card in hand, string lights behind
Pick your first question before you dial

When it gets funny

The easiest way to loosen up a call is a story that makes both of you laugh. Dating stories do it. Mimi’s rule still applies: tease the situation, never the person, and never their ex.

Trade turns. If they tell a story, tell one back. A call where only one person talks starts to feel like a radio show.

If you’re thinking about the real first date, the first date questions and the guide on what to talk about on a first date pick up where a call leaves off.

How to end the call on a high note

A first call can fizzle into an awkward “so, yeah” or drag on until both people are tired. You can avoid both by ending while the conversation is still good.

  1. Watch for the second pause. The first is normal. When the second one comes, you’ve probably reached a natural end.
  2. Name something you enjoyed. “I liked hearing about the town you grew up in” is specific and kind.
  3. Leave one thread open. “You still have to tell me how that story ended” gives you both a reason to talk again.
  4. Say what happens next, if you want it to: “Want to do this again Thursday?” is clear, light and easy to answer.
Illustration: a penguin waving goodbye from a window at dusk while holding a phone, a small heart-shaped sticky note on the glass
End it while it's still going well

You can also close with a last question for them to think about: “What’s something we have in common that you didn’t expect?” They can answer it next time.

A few small things that help

Sources