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Your new partner is meeting the family. Your cousin brought a friend nobody has met. The neighbors stopped by “for just one drink” and now they are on the couch next to Grandpa. Everyone is holding a cookie and nobody knows what to say.
Ask about holiday traditions, food and gifts. Start with one light question, answer it yourself first, then invite others to share. Let guests talk about any holiday they celebrate, or pass.
Every question here comes from Lolo Cards - 5,200+ conversation cards for iPhone.
Why ask holiday questions when you’ve just met?
People at a mixed holiday party may have little shared history. Asking how they celebrate gives them a place to start.
It also helps that talking to strangers can go better than we fear. In a set of 12 experiments with more than 1,800 participants, mostly strangers paired up to talk, both deep and shallow conversations felt less awkward and more enjoyable than people expected, and the effect was stronger for deep ones. The researchers also found that people underestimate how interested the other person is in hearing about them. One of them, Amit Kumar, put it this way: “In these social situations, the fear is largely in our heads.” The study involved pairs in a lab, so the findings may not carry over to a loud living room.
Here is how I’d run it:
- Pick one question and read it out loud to the whole room.
- Answer first to take some pressure off.
- Go around, or let people jump in. Passing is always allowed.
- Stay with a good story. The next card can wait.
What do you ask first, before anyone relaxes?
At the door and around the snacks, keep it general. These come from our getting to know you questions and work at any party, holiday or not:
- What’s your favorite way to celebrate good news?
- What’s the most interesting thing that’s happened to you this year?
- What’s a place that feels most like home to you?
The third one fits December, when many guests are traveling to or from home.
Which questions get people talking about traditions?
Ask about traditions to give guests a chance to describe how their families celebrate. The new partner can hear how this family does things. The cousin’s friend can share their own traditions.
An extension piece from the University of Illinois describes family traditions as giving a sense of identity and belonging across generations. It also advises against stressing over a perfect tradition: “the important thing is the ritual itself, not its perfection.” So if your family opens one gift on Christmas Eve or eats pizza instead of a formal dinner, that counts.
Try these:
- What puts you in a holiday mood: lights in the streets, a certain song, a smell?
- What was your favorite holiday as a kid, and how did your family celebrate it?
- What’s a small tradition from your family you’d want to keep?
- If you could leave one holiday decoration up all year, which would it be?
When someone describes a tradition, ask what it looked or sounded like. “What does the Christmas Eve dinner smell like?” gives them a detail to describe. “Why do you do that?” can sound like a challenge.
What can you ask about holiday food?
Ask about food while the plates are going around:
- What’s a food you refused to eat as a kid that you love now?
Then share your own answer: the dish someone always brings, the one nobody touches, the leftovers argument. If the host is busy cooking, give them a break from questions and let the guests talk.
For a table of near-strangers, I’d also look at dinner party conversation starters, which covers seating and how to move past “so, what do you do?”
Who got the worst gift ever?
A bad gift can make a good story, if the guest wants to tell it. Avoid making fun of the person who gave it, especially if they’re in the room.
- What’s the funniest birthday present you’ve ever gotten?
- Have you ever regifted a present?
- If you could only ever get one kind of present, what would you pick: books, candy, socks?
Start with the funniest present, then ask about regifting once the room is laughing. Regifting can feel like a confession, so offer to go first.
If someone’s gift story turns sad, like a gift from someone who is no longer around, stop the game and listen.
How do you keep a mixed room from splitting into groups?
New partners, cousins’ friends and neighbors may stick with the people they already know. A few small moves can help:
- Mix the first round. Invite someone to answer, then ask them to pick who goes next. Anyone can pass.
- Keep every question short. If it needs a setup, save it for later.
- Don’t quiz anyone. Questions about jobs and relationships can corner a new partner. Keep the holiday questions optional, too.
- Have a way out. “Pass” should get a smile and the next card.
- Stop while people are still enjoying it. Ten minutes of laughing beats an hour of forced turns.
Want a longer list for the next round? The full getting to know you list has more, and fun questions to ask at a party is built for loud rooms.
